I saw a meme some time ago about Nigerian elders being able to survive by feeding on respect for months.
It translates to show that they valued respect so much, they could pick it over food.
We all value being respected. It's not until you're called “madam” or “sir” before you acknowledge being respected.
I had greeted some students returning from school on a Friday and I could see my action worried them. They found it odd that someone older could greet them first.
Their next reaction shocked me. They thought I was going to report them to their mother for not stopping to greet me.
Then came the open apology by the roadside!
I had to stop them from the continual pleas and embarrassment while explaining that greeting them was just a perfunctory act. I didn't greet to blackmail them.
I could relate to the look of terror on their faces myself, so I wouldn't blame them.
This incident made me reflect on my experiences, like how I felt about becoming a senior at the ward, with juniors addressing me as “Ma.”
Adults and Guilt tripping
Last month, a power issue wrecked our hostel's pumping machine. We informed the landlord, and upon getting no response after days, we (hostel members) had to visit him.
Upon getting there, we had a representative do the talking for us.
Our representative, let's call him D., was barely into our complaint when the landlord accused him of disrespect.
Why? He mentioned the many complaints we had called the landlord’s attention to without resolutions.
. . .
It was habitual of him, just like several adults, to believe your words carried no weight because you are young. Even when your rights were being trampled upon.
To everyone, it was obvious that he tried to avoid the facts the representative spat, by trying to remind him that he (the landlord) was older.
In settling conflicts, it's not an uncommon practice to see people choose emotions over logic.
I've been in situations where, after expressing my opinion, I was asked, "How old are you?" as if my age dictated the validity of my thoughts.
It's a baffling concept that respect must be demanded, or that age and wisdom are directly proportional.
Yes, a child could have more clothes than, but can't have as many rags as, an adult. (translate to Yoruba if you can)
Respect doesn't have to be forced or demanded. What you do to others is what you get.
Do you have any experience dealing with adults who tried guilt-tripping you because they were older? How did you handle it? It would be a
Till the very next time,
You don't demand for respect, you earn it.
Thank you for this beautiful piece💙